Dear Disappointment

08 December 2011

Expecting is my favorite crime and disappointment is always my punishment.

As much as possible, I avoid posting negative things in this blog. Those who know me in person can attest to the fact that I am generally a genial person and I think the magic that is made when my fingertips touch the keyboard translates that well enough. I prefer filling this blog up with pretty little things: those that bring me joy and those that I think might interest you guys.

But right now I just want to vent. Which sucks because I have just given the URL of this blog to the boss of the boss of my boss earlier today.

Whenever I promise someone something, I try my darnest best to do it. Whenever I agree to do something for someone, I make sure I do it. Even when it's out of my way. Even when it's inconvenient. Whenever I say yes, you know that is a yes through and through. I've acknowledged several times that I might be spreading myself a little bit too thin, but that's okay. It's hard for me to say no to people, especially when I know it would mean a lot to them. Now, in the very rare instances where plans would have to be changed, I make sure to advise the concerned person/s beforehand. That's just courtesy, right? That's just standard practice, right?

I don't know, maybe I have been too used to doing this myself that I've already expected other people to do the same.

A little over a week ago, someone promised me something. Okay, that someone promised to treat me out to eat somewhere. A week has passed, I heard nothing. I sent a little nudge, the person said it'll happen this week. Yesterday and today were the only available windows for this to happen. I heard nothing. Oh yeah, the person said something came up. Yesterday. I didn't hear anything the whole day today.

It's not so much as the "free food" - you know I CAN buy my own food anytime (heck I bought myself Christmas doughnuts and hot choco for breakfast and one big meal of salt and pepper pork plus rice and pasta for lunch today. I can buy more when I go hungry. I don't scrimp on food so long as I can finish it.) - as the thought of spending time with that person just to catch up and talk. And I don't know if I'm making any sense to you right now. I don't even know if someone's reading this up until this point, but I'm just too upset to care.

Actually, I'm upset because I care. And I hate myself for caring because I really don't want to. I've been hurt by the said person far too many times that I hate myself for expecting things to be better. Things will never change, we can never become friends because a friend won't do this to a friend, and it's time for me to accept that.

I'm done here. I swear I'm done here.


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And now I'll just keep staring at this little munchkin to calm my heart and take my mind off things. If you are still reading this, thank you.

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