05 October 2011

Oh October.

Today is my ex-boyfriend's birthday. We were together for almost four years but I broke his heart. We're semi-friends now. Yesterday's dilemma was whether to greet him or not.

You see, after what happened to us (a short summary can be found here, if you're interested) we remained friends. After the break-up he was - understandably so - really angry at me, but we managed to keep in touch every once in a while. We even went out for a couple of times after.

But then, something happened back in March of this year that it was me who ended up being mad at him. Sorry about being vague here, but let's just say I'm not willing to be someone a guy cheats on her girlfriend with. After a thorough evaluation and blow-by-blow analysis of the situation with my closest friends over our favorite desserts, I realized I was willing to just let everything go and move on.

I forgave him but never saw him again. We don't communicate any more as well, hence the semi-friends status.

To be honest, I secretly hoped we would get back together. After what I went through from my previous relationship, it was easy to see how I took what we had for granted. I had this 'romantic' notion that maybe we were really meant to be together, and would soon end up being Hunnies again.

If you have been a long time reader of my blog, I shared here a poem I wrote back in 2002. I was 16. Let me share it with you again:

I never realized it would be over too fast
I always thought our love would last
It seemed we turned our backs from the past
Now it felt as if we’re worlds apart.

It all started one fine morning
I woke up suddenly losing the feeling
When I saw him, there is a nagging
Telling me he also felt nothing.

I know he felt the same way too
So I called to say we’re through
It is time to call it quits
But our memories will be for keeps.

The line was busy
Suddenly I felt guilty
So I put the phone down
But then it rang.

I picked it up on the second ring
Asking the other person, “Who’s calling?”
A deep voice answered, “Hey, ‘tis me,
We loved each other, but now we have to be free.”

I said, “Okay fine, I loved you too,
But you have to find the better one for you.”
I know we were breaking up
But surprise, surprise, I felt no pain inside.

And so it happened
We promised we’d be friends
But promises, in time, were bent
Our friendship also ended.

It’s because of a girl he met
Upon her, his gaze was always set
She prohibited him from seeing me
Fine with me, so long as he’s happy.

So we went with our own lives
Absorbing the sights and the sounds
Until I was haunted with sleepless nights
Can’t truly forget him, try as I might.

I realized I love him still
But he doesn’t know what I feel
We’re through, these feelings I must kill
But I can’t seem to find the will.

Until one morning, I saw him by my door
He is waiting with presents from the store
If only he knew how he made my heart soar
That day, a new love was born.

He said, “For a while, I’ve been blind
But I can’t seem to get you off my mind
I realized I’m not really strong
I needed your love all along.”

We found ourselves in a tight embrace
No need for words, I touched his face
I thought of all the times we’ve missed
Guess what, this story ends with a kiss.

I still don't know where I got the inspiration for this piece as I didn't even have a boyfriend during the time I wrote this haha. Anyway, during the time I was secretly hoping for us to get back together, I remembered this poem and thought my 16-year old self must have been able to foresee the future. But no, that theory was met with a resounding, big NO by the Universe.

So now you understand my dilemma? I don't see any harm in greeting him - it's just a greeting after all. And who doesn't appreciate birthday greetings? Right? But you see, I was afraid of being misconstrued and opening another can of whaterver. I asked Tweetville, and pretty Tara said I should just be magnanimous. And that's what I did.

I sent him a Happy Birthday text this morning, he thanked me and asked how I was. I answered I'm doing fine, thank you, and I hope he is well, too.

And that was it.

I don't even know why I'm making such a big deal out of this -_____- Boredom, maybe. I really should go and find a new hobby.

PS: Blogspot deleted the comments in the two old posts I linked here :( Blogspot comments and IntenseDebate do not like each other :(

PPS: Big thanks to everyone who greeted my sister Kim on my previous post. I'm sure she's smiling in Heaven :) Thank you so much for your kindness :)

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