A love story that was

"Funny that one moment, both of you were inseparable and now, both of you are just two people trying to forget each other."

From 2004 to 2008, I was in a long-term relationship with a guy who cannot be more perfect. His name is Athan, and he is my first serious boyfriend. I have nothing but kind words about him; he was a perfect gentleman, was super nice, funny, religious, comes from a good family who he adores above all, respectful towards my family, and most importantly, he loves (loved) me.

I guess we were what you can call the almost ideal couple. We began and ended our days with "I love you" texts, we celebrated monthsaries and just because anniversaries, we wrote each other letters and mini notes all the times, events and occasions are peppered with flowers and gifts, weekends were spent watching movies or spending time with our respective families at each other's houses, strolls at the mall (or wherever, for that matter) were filled with subtle PDA like holding hands, our term of endearment for each other was Hunnie, and even when we were fighting we still kept holding hands and calling each other Hun. The dog in the photo is actually a bolster pillow we called Mushie. I used to hug her every night when I go to sleep. Athan was very dedicated and I felt really loved; I remember feeling so blissfully warm and giddy when I saw his room filled with framed photos of me and of us together. He was very faithful, too. Not once did he cheat on me. And for what it's worth, I can say I was a pretty awesome girlfriend for him, too. We were together for almost four years, and those 41 months together were some of the best months of my life.

So what happened?

I really don't know.

One of the hurdles we had was the physical distance. You see, I lived in Navotas while he's from Antipolo. That's a good two and a half hours away. We also were from two different universities, albeit both in Manila. Just the same, the demands of school works and extra-curricular activities did not give us the luxury to see each other as often as we'd like. We made the effort to see each other as much as we can though, plus we also had weekends free for each other. Technology also made it much easier for us to keep in touch; my old YM archives, Multiply site and old Friendster account were filled with messages to and from him. We acknowledged the problem and worked to bridge the gap and make our relationship work.

But then, issues started to arise when I started working. I am older than him by a year so by the time I started working, he was on his Senior year. My schedule was erratic and there were months I had to work graveyard shifts, meaning I was awake by the time he's sleeping and vice versa. We rarely saw each other, and the differences in our schedules and his school works made it more difficult for us to communicate. Needless to say, our relationship suffered. We started fighting, and would not talk for days. That hurt me because before we cannot end a day without reconciling. It carried on for months but I guess we were just too scared to confront the problem.

It also did not help that I started to become really close with Dane.

Until on Valentine's Day 2008, we went through the whole day without even greeting each other. I missed him but I guess I was too proud to admit defeat.

We broke up the next day.

I guess I just fell out of love... And it's weird. Really, it's the weirdest feeling ever. How can you love a person so much and then not feel anything at all the next day?

On my birthday he went to our house and surprised me, but I was so confused and was not the best hostess. He asked me back, but I declined. I felt so guilty and I wished I can make him happy by agreeing, but I just wanted to be fair to the both of us.

He did not speak to me for months after that. I kept on apologizing but did not get any response. That's understandable, seeing as how I hurt him. But time heals all wounds, as what they say. Now, we are back to being friends - or at least we are civil towards each other again. He now has a girlfriend, and she does not like him communicating with me. The last time we saw each other was August 2008 when he asked me to watch a movie with him. It was awkward sure, but nice. He texts me now, and I hope he won't get upset if he reads this by chance. Now I read the letters he sent me and browse our pictures together, but I don't feel anything. It's like everything just fizzled.

Whatever happened to us, I am glad to have met him and to have loved and been loved by him. I am really sorry that things did not work out... I'd like to thank him for the memories and I - without any hint of sarcasm or bitterness - honestly and sincerely wish him all the best.

I still hug Mushie whenever I sleep here in my room in my parents' house, but that's just because I cannot sleep without hugging a pillow. 

18 comments

Belle ♥ said...

awwww. i remember those times krissy. and i thought you guys were perfect for each other. but then, maybe it just wasn't meant to be. :)

Chymere said...

I haven't been reading...not sure if you have been posting but this is a really cute love story...and amazing that you can move on with no hard feelings. I'm almost in the same situation right now. It's really weird...especially the opening line: "Funny that one moment, both of you were inseparable and now, both of you are just two people trying to forget each other." That is us to the T. Hopefully we can get back our friendship and a genuine one that you all have.

Leah said...

Krissy, things happen for a reason. But it was really a wonderful love story. I can feel the love you had with each other before.

I always believe in destiny. Maybe you were not destined to be with each other or maybe yes... time will tell.

xoxo

Anagon =) said...

Now this is a love story worth telling and remembering though it didnt end up ala those fairytales we grew up with. :)
I love you sis :)

// krissy ♥ said...

@ Belle: Oo nga, it was perfect na sana, but then there are things that are really beyond our control. Can't wait to see you! :)

@ Chymere: Just give it time, I'm sure everything will fall into place :)

@ Leah: I agree. I also believe in destiny, and will forever be thankful that once in our lives our paths crossed :)

@ Anagon: Aww thanks :) I love you, too sis! :)

Jessica said...

Wow, this is such a cute story. Good to know you've both moved on now, with no bitterness whatsoever. When's part two of this post? It's your love story with Dane's turn. :)

RicAdeMus said...

Such a great story, first loves are always special--and it's great that it didn't end badly. I understand A's girlfriend. She will always worry a little that he still carries a torch for you--and I think she is right! =)

"close with Dane"...very cute!

Little Miss Tiara said...

that's one really sweet story that contains heaps of memories, it's a good thing you can keep them in the right place instead of throwing all those precious memories away.

That was part of your life, thus I believe one shouldn't really erase any memories away :D

I'm so proud of you girl!

Am I sounding like ranting? it's past midnight here and I just read my thesis theories, that's a good excuse, no?

Manju said...

It happens i guess. i was also absolutely crazy about my ex,n then one day i woke up and just got fed up and didnt feel anything -_-
at least there were no hard feelings in the end.

the girl in stiletto said...

='(

Margarita said...

Love can be weird, at once we're overcome with passion and emotion and then it kinda disappears. I think it's part of growing up, part of life. Very nice blog post.

MKL said...

That's really a sweet love story, I truly enjoyed reading it. It reminded me of my ex, with whom I'm also in good terms, she even congratulated me for my new gf. And we had similar problems, the distance mainly, but also different characters and different goals for the future.
I always think, that if you loved and been loved by someone and you later break up, it's always good to respect each other and be in good terms.

Denise said...

oohh this is sad, but sweet, cos you know every thing happens for a reason, whatever that may be. Ten years ago i thought i was gonna die cos of a boy am obsessed with. Well after a year or two am back on my feet and felt like no trauma at all.

love is a wonderful thing. we get hurt a little, but that's the glorious essence of LOVE.

I am Denise Katipunera

// krissy ♥ said...

@ Jessica: Just you wait haha :D

@ Rick: Heehee thanks :)

@ Tiara: Indeed! Whatever happened, I am thankful and glad I had him in my life :)

@ Manju: It's very weird right? It's like our brain cells dedicated to the other person just straight up and left x_x

@ Ejannz: Aww sorry if I made you sad :(

@ Margarita: Thank you. :)

@ Nino: I think so too, after all they have become an important part of our lives. If paths must separate, at least we still have the memories to look back to :)

@ Denise: Yes, and after all of the hurt, it really is worth it :)

Nashe^ said...

I like the fact that you admitted to being scared to confront the problems. I think I was scared to confront such problems many times, too, and that didn't help. :(

Soapaholic said...

Aww. :) I love how you're brave enough to write about your past relationship - to acknowledge that you loved each other but it just died along the way.

Kym said...

definitely crazy how you can just fall out of love like that... i think i've had that happen to me before too but it wasn't with an almost 4 year relationship... something things just aren't meant to be. how was enchanted with your family and your LOVER DANE!!?!?!?!? yyyiiiiii!!!! i wanna hear all about it! facebook mo ko! haha! ;P

// krissy ♥ said...

@ Nashe^: I guess we'll always have those moments :(

@ Soapaholic: In a way, this is a way to bury the hatchet I guess. Thank you :)

@ Kym: Nyahahaha just you wait, I'm preparing for that big story :D