Regret you, Regret you not

27 January 2011

Photo taken by Watcher Concepcion
I have always tried to live my life with the belief that it is far better to regret a thing you did than a thing you did not do. Whenever an opportunity comes to do something I haven't done before, I grab it - sometimes even blindly which is, I admit, not always wise - and hope for the best. One of my biggest fears is to be on my deathbed with a lot of items still unchecked in my bucket list, filled with regret I didn't do them while I still had the chance.

This thought came to me earlier while watching the local news. It's really tough to do it nowadays (watch the news, I mean) because almost everything being reported is about crimes, tragic accidents, and senseless killings. You must have heard of the nine construction workers who died at a building site in Makati City earlier today, plus a bomb planted inside a passenger bus which killed five people the other day. My heart bleeds for the families of the construction workers who perished, most of whom are left with no one to support them financially in the next coming days. My heart screams expletives at the perpetrators of these terrorist acts of senseless killings to achieve what? What were they trying to prove? It's terribly unfair for the victims to be robbed of life just because of evil minds lurking in the streets. I am getting really emotional here, but it makes me very angry for these people to think they have the right to take other people's lives! These innocent victims have so much to live for, they have a family waiting for them to return safely, they have friends who care for them, they have SO MUCH going on for them, and for someone to remove their right to enjoy any of them, THAT'S JUST CRUEL I CAN'T EVEN BEGIN TO EXPLAIN HOW IT MAKES ME FEEL RIGHT NOW. Yesterday I was feeling upset because Christopher Nolan was not nominated for a Best Director accolade at the Oscars for the movie Inception. I was really affected and was feeling sad the whole day. But then this makes everything else I am upset about pale in comparison. I really hope they catch the people behind it soon, and for justice to please prevail. I am praying for the souls of the victims, that they may rest in peace, and for their families and friends to have the strength to face the dark days ahead.

In a way, the terrorists have won if in case their true motive is to create terror. People have begun to be scared to ride buses as form of public transportation now, as proven by one of my officemates. I myself have begun to be more paranoid in my daily commute to and from work. But then again I thought I should be able to live my life without this constant fear. I don't really know until when I can stay here (I've also always had this belief that I will die young, and I don't know why) so now I resolve to be more proactive in making sure that in case I do die young, then I will die with no regrets.

My friends say that I am so morbid when I talk like this, but I always answer that death is a fact of life. As Tuck told Winnie in the book Tuck Everlasting, "Do not fear death, but rather the unlived life. You don't have to live forever, you just have to live."

I admit there are several things I wish I was able to foresee so I could have prevented them (like when our house was burned down in a big fire back in 2001), a number of decisions I wish I didn't make, and a few impulses I wish I didn't follow. There are lots of things I wish I could undo, things I would have done differently if given the chance. But then that is impossible, and so instead of wasting time mourning my losses I know I should just celebrate the fact I am still alive and still have the chance to make better choices and wiser decisions in the future. As the cliché goes, no regrets, just love only lessons.
Learn to let go of the past, and recognize that every day won’t be sunny. And when you find yourself lost in the darkness and despair, remember it’s only in the black of night that you see the stars, and those stars will lead you back home. So don’t be afraid to make mistakes, to stumble and fall, because most of the time, the greatest rewards come from doing the things that scare you the most. Maybe you’ll get everything you wish for. Maybe you’ll get more than you ever could have imagined. Who knows where life will take you. The road is long and in the end, the journey is the destination.

- One Tree Hill

I wish and hope and pray that when my time comes, I would meet Death in the eye and greet him with a thankful smile with not the slightest hint of regret in my heart.

What is your biggest regret and what do you do to not be consumed by it?

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