Heartbreak, anyone?

I am happy to say that my heart is feeling a lot better these days. I still get sad occasionally and I think that's pretty normal, but I must say I am coping well. I must admit there are times I miss him terribly especially now that I am PMS-ing but I've learned to rein myself in and not let my emotions get the better of me.

A couple of days ago, my officemate and very good friend Mich sent me this and I thought I just had to share it with you. If anyone is going through the same situation and reads this by chance, then I am offering you a virtual hug. I promise you, we can get through this. Just like what Tom did when he got over Summer after being miserable for so long.

that scene in the bottom pane where Tom's eyes reflect the hurt he felt when Summer said "I woke up one morning and I just knew, what I was never sure of with you" breaks my heart every time I watch (500) Days of Summer

Let it be said though that I am not an expert on the topic. Heck I am still mourning the end of what I thought was a perfect love story, but I am hoping that posting this and letting this out in the open is one of the many steps I need for complete healing and a renewed self-discovery.

(Note: She just sent me the list. The additional notes after each item on the list is written by me.)

Every Girl's Guide to Heartache:
Because getting over a breakup can be messy

1. Find comfort in your family.
And friends. I have been spending my rest days and vacation leaves either holed up here in my parents' house or out with friends. My social life was all abuzz this month as I spent lots of times hanging out with friends. I really do appreciate being around them since I forget I was supposed to be hurting. 

Last Saturday I went to one of my best friends from high school Dianne's house for a mini reunion. I was not able to go with them when they went swimming last week because of my skin allergy so I took a rain check instead. Not everyone was able to come to this mini reunion though as work always(!) gets in the way.

I've known these people since we were eight years old!
from left to right: Third, Dianne (who is the mom of my godchild Kaylee), me and Neil

I've known her since we were four years old! We were classmates way back in Nursery :)
Niel using my netbook Lady Fabrize

You know I don't drink, right? Well, for some good-spirited fun they made me drink orange juice laced with vodka. I fell asleep after three shots :D

2. It's OKAY to be not okay.
I used to beat myself up for being sad as I don't like myself when I turn into a big ball of loneliness and self-pity and insecurity. I just want to be happy and chipper all the time. But then, I realized that is not possible. As someone wisely said, "We can never appreciate the light if we haven't experienced being in the dark." All those bad vibes, they surely make the good days seem so much better when they do come. These days, when I get sad, I just try to feel it wash over me.

Remember.

3. Know that despite your heartbreak, the world revolves without you, and does not revolve around you.
Ouch. That sounds harsh, but that's the truth. I can never expect the world to wait for me while I try to pick up the pieces in the same way that I should not expect my friends to listen to me rant about my heartbreak all the time. They also have their own issues to deal with and it's selfish for me to think they will leave everything to listen to me moan. No siree. It's bad enough that I am going through this; there's no need for me to drag another person into this. I myself would not want to be around people spewing out negativity each chance they get. I am one of the most optimistic people I know and I intend to keep it that way. Ehem, guess who hosted a Pink Positive-themed birthday party last year? Yes, yours truly :D

4. Cut off all forms of communication with the Ex.
Uh, that sounds impossible as we are working in the same team in the same office, with the same break schedules and all. Also, we're seatmates. He came at the apartment last Friday for our Tranche's 3rd Anniversary mini party though as he is also my tranchemate.

5. Realize that anger is a waste of time.
Rachel Berry belts out "When you see my face, hope it gives you hell!" from the song Gives You Hell by The All-American Rejects. Because nothing says angrrrry more than wishing a person hell. Anger may be a waste of time but then again, they say anger is one of the steps towards acceptance, right? What's your take on this? I personally would not want to be angry if I can avoid it. Anger can eat you up and has the power to control you and make you do things you will regret someday. At the same time, if controlled, then it can give you the boost and courage you need to tell the guy to take a hike. A little anger is healthy if you know how to use it.

6. Distract yourself.
If there is anything you would want to try but was not able to do because of - ehem - other things taking up your time, then now would be the best time to do so! As for me, I would really want to read books again. It's kinda sad that because of this Internet addiction, I totally neglected all the books I have been buying! Never again, though. Never again. I've recently started re-reading Louisa May Alcott's Little Women. Ah, I totally  missed reading for leisure!

Also, I would totally love to have a new hobby. Yesterday I woke up and just decided I need a Moleskine. Yes, even without the natural talent for drawing, I can use my future Moleskine for doodling, practicing in longhand, and journaling! There are a lot of other possibilities! One of the things I really, really enjoy is shopping, but since I would be getting myself a new phone this weekend I try my hardest to save every peso I can. Also, I shop all the time and I don't need any excuse to go shopping. If by chance, you feel like spicing things up a bit, a makeover is the best way to go! 

7. Go easy on the next guy.
One would think having three failed relationships is enough to scare me away from guys, but no. I am too much of a hopeless romantic for that. Think of me as a female Ted Mosby waiting for The One. Hey You, whoever you are, hurry up and get here so we can take a leap of faith - together. Remember Tom and Autumn?

Hopefully You are someone who can help me mesh Expectations with Reality

8. Watch out for the aftershock.
I think this would be really tough, but I have an answer for this. Again, from the movie (500) Days of Summer, Rachel really nailed it when she told her brother Tom, "Look, I know you think she was the one, but I don't. Now, I think you're just remembering the good stuff. Next time you look back, I, uh, I really think you should look again." That kid with that line single-handedly solved all the hang-ups I've had with my previous relationships. Hopefully  it will work its magic again this time.

9. Know that you are not alone.
Countless people have experienced heartbreak one way or another. Surely, even if you feel most alone, you really are not. Trust me. Your family is with you, your friends are with you, I am with you. This is not a losing battle so long as you have the will to continue. I assure you, things will be better in the morning. If not tomorrow, then the day after that. Or the week after. Or the month. It can take years, but you WILL get better. Remember, as what I said earlier, this too, shall pass.

10. Just live!
This morning in my favorite radio show Good Times with Mo, a girl called in to ask for advice from DJs Mo (my favorite!), Mojo Jojo and Grace Lee. Her problem is about how her boyfriend of at least a year is still seeing his ex-girlfriend, and she has reason to believe her boyfriend is cheating on her with the ex. As expected, the three DJs advised her to break up with his douche boyfriend. Mo couldn't have said it better when he said, "You're going to do it eventually, why not do it now?" You - we - know we'll eventually feel better sometime somehow, so why not feel better now?

After all, computers crash, people die, relationships fall apart.
The best we can do is breathe and reboot.
- Carrie, Sex and the City

I hope that, if you are going through the same thing, I made you feel a wee bit better. I certainly feel a lot better now! If not, then well lucky you! :) Writing is really therapeutic for me and I am happy I have this opportunity to share what I can with you guys. Let's continue creating and sharing more stories, shall we?

Also.

*Photos without the krissyfied watermark are taken from Tumblr. No copyright infringement intended.

23 comments

Anagon =) said...

i love this sis :) i like how you relate each "rule" to your experience =) This is from a chiclit summit book right?? :) Heeh!
repeat repeat repeat: this too shall pass!
i love you sis!

Andhari said...

Great guide, Krissy. You will survive. It's okay to be sad but keep telling yourself life must go on. It's always good to occupy your time around family and friends :)

the girl in stiletto said...

and i'm hereeeeeeeeeee for youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu. love, ejannz.

littlemissjuicy said...

Love you for posting this, Krissy!
I'm going through a major, major break up...and it's killing me. Hell, I'm still alive. I love #9!
If you ever want to vent...I'm here, cuz I know how harsh it can feel at times.

Johana Hill said...

Stick to the guide and I'm sure next year you'll look back and say to yourself, "I was so stupid".

Being stupid once in a while is okay. You can only get stronger after a while. Plus, you have your friends' love and support. You're doing good so far! ;p

ChinkyGirLMeL said...

Awww Krissy.... These guides are definitely bound to help mend a broken heart. I know you'll get over all this, I just hope it will be soon. Take care sweetheart!

Ana Mich said...

Love u much Krissy!Ü

Manju said...

GOOOOOOOOO KRISSYY!!!!!!!!!
we all love you pretty lady!

Ida said...

It's wonderful how you seem to learn a lot from your experiences Krissy. And you're one tough girl! I used to work in HSBC too, and I loved my teammates...I don't know if I could handle one of them being my ex. :)

Leah said...

I'm glad you're doing better Krissy. if only we can talk in person, I have a lot of advice to give you. I am a fabulous consultant when it comes to matters of the heart. I learned a lot from my father.

Yes, family is your number one source of comfort. And friends too. It's okay to cry and not feel okay. I always say this (though I know it's bad)... find something that you really hate in the other person. Then focus on that one thing, you will feel better knowing that you will never encounter that bad thing anymore.

I'm always here. Email me anytime. xoxo

// krissy ♥ said...

@ Anagon: Now that you mention it, oo nga it's from a Summit book! I'll look for my copy! :) I love you, too!! :)

@ Andhari: Thank you Andhari, you and my other blogfriends are AWESOME! I wish we can all meet sometime! :)

@ Ejannz: I know you are, thanks Ejannz baby, you know I love you too :)

@ littlemissjuicy: I posted a comment in your blog. I am glad you liked this post :) I'm also willing to listen if you want to vent.

@ Johana Hill: I also look forward to that, the part where I can just look back and smile :)

@ Mel: Thank you sweetheart! I also hope your tonsilitis goes away soon!

@ Mich: I love you too Michelle!! :)

@ Manju: Thank you! Me loves you too! :)

@ Ida: Thank you :) Yes, it certainly is tough, but I like that maybe through this way I can get over him sooner as I see him everyday, as opposed to forgetting him since I don't see him, and then having all those buried feelings snowball on me again if by chance we meet :)

@ Leah: I do wish I can talk to you in person :) Oh yes, that's exactly what I think sometimes. There's always a reason why something does not work out, I just have to keep reminding myself of that reason :)

Anonymous said...

Reading part of what you wrote made me realized the reasons i got through a heartbreak..GOD, FRIENDS and FAMILIES are the ultimate support system!

Its like a memory lane for me- reading this. Going through it all and finally realizing your Healed is the best feeling!

Thanks for writing this.

// krissy ♥ said...

@ Anonymous: Thank you! I am happy that what I wrote has touched you in some way :) God bless you! :)

Kym said...

i love that list because it's so true! family and friends will help you get through it for sure! and life's too short... yes, cry about it, vent about it, but pick up and move on. I had 3 failed relationships as well until i found the one... maybe the story will be the same for you? ;) but yes, i like your attitude... don't give up on it.. a lot of girls after a heartbreak go to the complete opposite direction with the whole " i hate boys, i'll never date again attitude" keep your head up! :D <3 ya!

Nikolett said...

Krissy, this is such a beautiful post. I've said it again, but I admire you for still being able to see the guy almost every day and holding on - but maybe hold back on taking pictures like that, hmms?

And just like Tom met Autumn, I know you'll be your next who will just blow all your expectations out of the water. 'Til then, surround yourself with positive awesome people and I hope you share those doodles if you get a Moleskine! *BIG HUGS*

Oh how I wish we could meet in real life to have awesome karaoke and eat cupcakes and have movie marathons ... but I'll be there in spirit, okie? :)

RicAdeMus said...

Hi Krissy!
The Guide has some good advice. Being angry or sad is okay, as long as it does not become a way of life. But i know you won't let that happen--you have too good an outlook on life to get dragged down that way!!! =)

akaCola said...

that is some good advice! i completely agree with cuttin all communication off because that truly helps! and also being around family and friends that helps a lot too!! thanks for sharing!

Tann said...

thanks for sharing.. I just broke up with my ex 5 months ago..
I'm with someone but still can't over him.. that's too bad and I feel so wicked to everyone..
hope we can get thru this ok?? fight!! ^^


www.chechetan.blogspot.com

Johana Hill said...

I tagged you in my latest blog post. Run over and read it! ;p

austenfan said...

Glad to hear you're feeling better! Having had to go through heartbreak myself, I know that it can be very, very difficult - there's really no specific amount of time before you can say your finally over someone. But it'll come, and when it does, you'll find that you've become so much more stronger and happier. :)

Meream said...

BIG HUG.

We will paint the town red in August. And layo pa. Haha

// krissy ♥ said...

@ Kym: Oh don't worry, I'll never turn into a cynic :) Thanks Kym, I <3 you, too! :)

@ Nikolett: Thank you so much! This is actually one of my most favorites among everything I have written :) And oh, to meet you would be beyond awesome! :)

@ Rick: Thank you for looking at me that way, you are able to read my personality even without meeting me in real life! :D

@ akaCola: Thank you for reading :)

@ Tann: Thank you for reading! Some unsolicited advice, I think you have to let go of your ex completely so you can focus on your current beau :) Hang in there! :)

@ Johana Hill: Oh thank you so much! Awesome! :D

@ austenfan: I'm happy for you, glad you were able to come out of the breakup stronger, I hope I can say the same for myself soon :)

@ Meream: August will be here before we know it! I'm so excited to meet you! :D

Nancy said...

Hi, my name is Nancy. I have been in great bondage for almost 2 years suffering in the hands of a cheating husband,we were happy and leaving well until he meant his old time girl friend and he started dating her outside our marriage before you knew it he stoped caring and taking care of his own family it was to the extent that he was planning to get married to her and divorce me his own wife, i have cried and reported him to his family but he never listened to any one but to cut my story short i came in search for a real spell caster who could destroy their relationship and make him come back to me and our 2 kids on my search i saw people making testimony on how their marriage where restored by Esango Priest i pick his email and i narrated my story to him and he agreed to help me and after performing a spell on the second day both had a quarrel and he beat his girlfriend up and he came home begging for i and my little kids to forgive him that his eyes are clear now that he will never do any thing that will hurt his family again and promise to be a caring father and never cheat again.I am so so happy that i did not loose him to the girl. all appreciation goes to Esango Priest for you are a Great spell caster and to whom this may concern if you have a cheating husband or wife or you need your ex lover back again. you can as well email him on esangopriest@gmail.com