A bit beaten by birthday blues. A bit heartbroken, too.

It feels so long since my last post. Our trip to Ilocos feels like ages ago. So much - yet so little - has happened in a week and I felt like I needed time to let everything sink in before I can write about them.

First, one of my mentors emailed me about an opportunity of a lifetime. You may know that one of the main reasons why I am staying with my current job is because I cannot seem to leave my officemates. But while I was in my two weeks-long vacation, I realized that I did not miss my job, not one bit. I mean, that surely is a sign that things aren't going so great, right? I missed my officemates of course, but then again, time will come that we would have to go our separate ways. We will not be teammates forever and the sooner I learn to deal with that fact, the better. Back to the email, it contains something I absolutely cannot refuse - or let go just like that. I sent in my application and waited, but nothing came. I do acknowledge the fact that they needed someone urgently as the post needed to be filled by March 31. Perhaps I was already too late and they have already found someone to hire for the job. Nonetheless I still felt sad as I thought that was already my chance to work for my dream company. Now I would have to stick with my current job and cross my fingers for another opportunity to come. 

Speaking of my current job, something really seems to be wrong with my pay. I ranted here about how I got waaaay less than expected. Because of the glitch in our attendance system linked with payroll, 48 hours' worth of pay were deducted from my salary and I got only half of what I should have gotten. Everything was rectified on the next cutoff and I received what was missing. (It was a blessing in disguise too, as I got extra cash for my Ilocos trip woohoo!) Today was another payday and our salaries credited our accounts last night. I slept early and only got to check it this morning via my Internet Banking. It was only 6:30am when I did and I was still half-asleep but when I saw it I was like WTF where did the extra cash come from?? It looks like they paid me what was missing again! I decided to just wait for the payslip. Around lunchtime Dane and I were texting and we wondered where that extra money was from since I was only expecting a couple thousand pesos bonus. I dismissed it and said my mind must have been still sleeping when I checked it earlier so I should go ahead and check again. I did and again I was like WTF where did the extra cash come from?? My salary's really moody these days. It's either they paid me what was missing again, or another person's bonus credited my account. I should wait for my payslip and if there are any discrepancies I will report it. Because I am good and kind and selfless like that. 0:)

Let's go back to more serious stuff, shall we? Last week, Dane and I kinda decided to take a breather. That's euphemism for a break up. But it's not really a break up since we're not really a couple in the first place so let's just call it a "break up". Hmmm, let's just say that we have different ways of demonstrating love. To quote Ana, "It is like saying that everyone is prone to hurt another, if he/ she stays too close... intended or not. And love is either to stay close even with the pain, or to hide/ run away so as not to make any more harm." Kinda weird analogy since in her post she was talking about Edward Scissorhands, but I hope you get my point. I have spent idle hours of the past week crying into my Wizard plushies, trying to make sense of it all. It seems confusing sometimes, as we are still seatmates at the office, we still have ice cream as we were accustomed to, and he is still acting sweet towards me. Granted that yes, he doesn't call me Sweet anymore and our times together have been lessened, but we still do gravitate towards each other. I don't know whether time will come that I will stop missing what we were, but I guess I just have to trust him when he said that someday, all of these will make sense.

I am feeling extra sad these days, not only because of these two things. Maybe it's just the birthday blues. Hey, did I mention that it's exactly a week before my birthday? My birthday's on April 6, and I don't know whether I am excited or not. Last year I had a Pink Positive-themed party but I have no idea what to do for this year. Do you know what I would really, really, really like? I really, really, really want a surprise birthday party! I have already hinted at asked several people but I know they won't plan one for me. I am the one who does these things for other people and I guess I should just not expect. Anyway, it wouldn't be a surprise party anymore as I have already mentioned it several times - it would seem like I planned my own surprise party :D

I hope I did not make you sad. I don't want to feel sadder than what I am feeling right now. Who's game for ice cream?  If it's not too much to ask, take a photo of yourself eating ice cream for me, will you? It'll be like a big ice cream toast! (I would propose a real toast involving wine or champagne but I don't drink lols.)

*Photo is of me showing some feet-love, taking my first steps at the old streets of Vigan :)

20 comments

the girl in stiletto said...

life is really funny in march. weird things happened to me too. i hope it is not in a bad way, but who knows?

about you & dane, it's really up to you both. it doesnt matter what we say, in the end, it is up to you both to lead where you want the relationship to go.

and therefore krissy, whatever decision you both want to make (or already made) i'm here to support it fully.

cuz i have lived the testament of this weird thing called love.

ice-cream cheers to you too!!

Nikolett said...

Aww Krissy *huuuuugs* I want to take you out for ice cream and just have a nice long girl chat ... and then eventually I'll bring The Boy by so you can meet us if you'd like, but first it's just you and me, baby :D Feels like a lot of things are getting you down, and I'm so sorry to hear that. I hope whatever you and Dane will decide in the long run will make both of you happy and will be something that you're comfortable with. I don't want you to cry :(

And I really hope people comply with your surprise-but-not-really party :) By the way, did you ever get the memo mousepad? I hope the post didn't lose it!

r u s s said...

I think I know that I-don't-want-to-leave-my-job-because-of-my-officemates. Been there, done that. My advice is, focus on your career. If you & your officemates are really friends, that friendship will still be there even if you change careers. I pray for you enlightenment. Goodluck!
☮.♥.✮ ☀..✈

Anagon =) said...

Sigh! Lots of thinking and reflecting especially with the birthday blues (pre-bday blues! :D)...In the end though, things will be ok..or youll definitely get by, sis! :) Ice Cream toast here!!! =)

Manju said...

i want a princess theme party xD but i dont think i'll be getting one...bummerr...if only we lived close to each other, we could have had a party together. :(
i hope you feel better soon babe
here, have one more scoop of icecream ;)

Carina the Blogarina said...

Aww,, I hope you shake the blues soon! I always wanted a surprise birthday party to... well, there still lot's of birthdays to come :)

If you feel that way about your job and you get another opportunity take it. I get that your colleagues are nice but they will stay your friends if you want them to. You spend to much time on the job to be somewhere that doesn't excite you.

RicAdeMus said...

Gosh, what is it about March??? I'm sorry this isn't a happier time for you. I've known some guys who meet a great girl before they are ready to settle down, so they try to save her for the future while they run around doing the crazy things boys do before they settle down. I don't know if that's the case here or not, but it happens. Wish I could take you out for ice cream at ColdStone!

On the bright side, you are a girl a guy would want to save!

Little Miss Tiara said...

damn, I've written a long comment here and my connection got lost somewhere in the world wide web jungle... :|

I said, I don't know a thing about office so I'll skip that part, lol. I seriously have no idea where the money come from, or go to...

Next part, about love. *sigh* it's always confusing, but because I'm a major fair believer of a happy ending so I'll pray for your happiest ending, be it with Dane or someone else :)

and about the birthday surprise! :O I know how you feel! I always is the one who spend sleepless nights thinking of a great surprises, I think that ended up me knowing whatever surprise my friend will give me, lol :P

I hope you'll get a blast birthday surprise this year, though ;D

Kay said...

awww.. what happened to u and dane sweetie? i'm sure you'll be back in each others' arms in no time.. :)

cheer up girl! aries ladies are fighters with poise of course.. btw we have the same birthday, mine's April 6 too, love :)

Leah said...

Krissy, it's just the birthday blues... I assure you. Everything will be okay. You didn't make me sad by your post but I really do want to have ice cream with you... in person.

Just take it easy... cheer up... and smile!!!

Have a great day my dear! xoxo

Glam Girl said...

Nice post! U have a great blog!

Andhari said...

I'm sorry about Dane situation, Krissy. If I lived nearer, i would've gone to your place with cupcakes and wine. :( Maybe you do need a break to think these days and you can talk it out only when you and him are ready. Relationship after all is not a one way street with all the consequences.

Slumber Designs said...

Try to keep smiling and know that everything happens for a reason! Oh and when one door closes, a bigger, better door opens :-)

I know that might not make you feel better but know that we're all here for you.

Jen

Abby Kihano said...

awww do whatever is best for you.... if it gets you up the career ladder.. then show no mercy!

and you think balut is yummy?! ahhh! i almost cried eating that ! xD

Meream said...

Aww But you are made of sunshine and I'm sure you will feel better tomorrow.

:)

Nashe^ said...

I do think the breather is the right thing to do. Make both of you feel less 'suffocated' in a sense, and more importantly, gives you guys time to miss each other. :]

Hope you get the party you want! lol

ChinkyGirLMeL said...

Oh Krissy! What happened to you and Dan. Awwww.... In time everything will fall into place.

March has been a weird month for me too. I do hope April will bring us more smiles and happy times! Advance happy birthday sweetie. mwah mwah mwah

Abby Kihano said...

thanks for the wish good luck krissy ^_^

MKL said...

Ah, birthday blues, I had it a week ago. And I'm fine now. It's true that things don't go well for you, but that may change. I hope so, Krissy. All the best.

// krissy ♥ said...

Thank you all for your comments, much appreciated! :)