On confrontations and speaking up

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In an ideal world, everyone will agree to what everyone has to say. Everyone will share the same ideas and beliefs, therefore no conflicts will arise. There will be no hurt feelings. There will be no need for wars.

Ideal? Yes. Perfect? Maybe. Boring? Definitely.

In the same way that each one of us has our own personalities and quirks, each one of us also has our own way of dealing with and reacting to external factors/ stimulants.

Let me tell you how I deal with things when issues arise. It is very difficult for me to speak up about what I feel because when I do I turn into a human teardrop and everything I want to say disappears in a messy babble of words and whimpers. I am very chatty with my friends and I have an opinion on almost everything  (I am also very transparent when it comes to my body language and facial expressions), but I am very fragile; I become upset at the slightest argument and provocation. I ignore it as much as I can, breathe deeply and count to ten, but when it has already gotten too much, that's when I attempt to speak up. But as much as I don't want to, I clam up and if I do manage to say something, it loses meaning as I am not able to get my point across. I am not an eloquent speaker you see, and I express myself better in writing. Maybe I should just have a permanent (herrohachi-inspired) speech bubble implanted on my head so I can just reach out and write on it whenever I want to say something that I'm afraid will be misconstrued if spoken out loud?

I am not big on confrontations. I can do well on formal debates since those things require research and you can use cue cards on the stage. I can engage in heated discussions about things I stand for and believe in, especially since it's prerequisite that I already have a full grasp of knowledge about it (which led me to believe in it). But in real-life confrontations, there are no cue cards. In real-life confrontations, there are no research materials. I can strut my stuff in heels on formal debates and make my opponents feel like dirt, but in real-life confrontations I am reduced to being a human teardrop who can barely manage a half-hearted squeak.

I know I need to toughen up. Any tips? How do you deal with confrontations?

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