I almost never check my Globe phone these days because I will have the line disconnected soon and just use my Smart number instead, so this afternoon I was quite surprised when I saw three missed calls from my friend Marsha. I thought something was amiss. When I finally got to talk to her, she asked where I was, and when I said I was still at work, she said she will call back. I was adamant though and wanted to find the reason for her call since it sounded quite urgent.

"Kristel..."

"Bakit?"

Silence.

"Bakit? ...Bakit? WHAT HAPPENED?!"

It was the longest two seconds of my life, but even then I felt I already knew what she was about to say.

"Wala na si Poly."

And it felt like the floor gave way underneath my feet.

My darling, sweet, dear friend Poly who lovingly calls me Krissybeb passed away this morning, and I just... I still can't believe how a cruel sickness can take such a beautiful, kind, gentle person this way.

Our friend Mich and I have been meaning to visit her in their house in Laguna for weeks now but we didn't get to because it was either she had to undergo treatment, or she felt too sick to have guests over. Now we will never get the chance to see her smile again, or hear her voice, or laugh with her, and you can just imagine how much it breaks my heart.

I am so sad and heartbroken and sad and sad and sad.

That's the thing about pain... it demands to be felt.*

My darling, sweet, dear friend Poly, I will never forget all the life lessons you shared with me, the bonding moments we had over food and shoes, the super cheap clothes we got from our "magical place", the cheesy rom-coms and pretty nail polish bottles, and the many number of random days we spent just hanging out together with Mich. When I get tired, I will remember your zest for life and how you continuously and bravely fought, and how you never questioned the unfairness of it all. When I feel ungrateful, I will remember how thankful you were of every little blessing given you. When I get impatient about my search for The One, I will remember the day you got married and how I thought it was the best wedding I've ever witnessed, and how I wished to find the same kind of love someday. When I feel resentful and whiny, I will remember you. I will never forget you.

My darling, sweet, dear friend Poly, I will probably never understand why you were taken from us so early, when I still want to spend more bonding moments with you. I feel like there are still a LOT of things we can do together, you know? It's just that I can't help feeling... cheated. But I know you are in a better place right now, spared from all the physical pain. You are one of the most beautiful people I have ever met, and I am thankful to have been given the chance to know you and be your friend. You gave me a forever within the numbered days, and I'm grateful.*

We have lots of photos together, but I wish we took more. 

I love you, Polybeb. I will never forget you.

Special thanks to Ana, Aisa and Sarah for giving me the perfect emotional support earlier.

*quoted from John Green's The Fault in Our Stars, just because I can go on and on with this post, but I can never put into words how I really feel.

It's the second week of - as my boss calls it - SeptemBLUR and I can definitely feel a little more magic in the air. The days are shorter, the nights are a little bit colder --- I guess it's true then: Christmas is almost here!

This week will also mark my first month on my new job. Every day brings something new and I love it, although I'm still getting the hang of it so I hope my officemates can be a little more patient with me (--;). I think I got too spoiled by my previous workplace's "good job" culture (I coined the term. I'm not really sure, but contact center employees will probably recognize this, this culture of applauding every little achievement) that I have to remind myself every once in a while that I have to be more serious now. I'm trying my best though and I love that I am learning a lot about general trivia and social media. For example, did you know that tiramisu literally means "pick me up" or metaphorically speaking, "make me happy"? Cool, huh? I just finished researching about Italian desserts and will continue reading about Italian cuisine on the next couple of weeks, and you know how I feel about Italian food (read: enthusiastically in love with it).

I've also accepted the most difficult part of my Makati yuppie life which is commuting to and from work every day. I live in far, far away Navotas, and my greatest hurdles have always been horrendous traffic and hordes of commuters like me. I'm kinda used to the scenario already though, so I guess it's okay now, especially as I have tried at least four different routes already to see what works best for me.

Going to work takes me roughly two to two and a half hours. First I take a tricycle to the bus terminal (P30), then ride a bus to Quezon Avenue MRT station (P19), and ride the train from there to Ayala (P14, but I always make sure I have a stored value card with me). A little sidenote: by principle, I never jump lines. I believe in discipline, in fairness, and in waiting for my turn. So can I just say how I'd LOVE to give people who jump lines on the MRT a solid uppercut? Gahhh. Anyway. From Ayala, I walk for about 15 to 20 minutes to the office. (It used to be 20 to 30 minutes, but Kira taught me a faster way.) I cherish these walks the most because at 7:30AM the heat is not that unbearable yet. I find that walks like this give me time to clear my head and invite only positive thoughts. Besides, every day feels like a great day to have a great day when you walk to sights like these:

Going home is a different story. It takes me a little more than three hours to go home because instead of taking the train, I ride a bus (P50) and a jeepney (P8). It's always a looong bus ride home but I much prefer that than the train route because the latter involves walking to the MRT station, riding the train, taking a bus to the terminal, then taking a jeep home. It's so tiring. Good thing a warm homecooked dinner is always waiting for me! Anyway, I am actually liking my travel time now because I get to catch up on my reading. I was told there's a van that shuttles to and from Makati with Malabon and the Ayala Triangle Gardens as the drop-off points but I haven't had the chance to look for it yet.

So there. If I haven't been able to blog that much that is because I am already exhausted when I reach home that I'd just rather eat and sleep. But as they say, if you really love it then you'll make time for it. This is me making time for it.

Sooo how are YOU? Doing fabulously, I hope? ♥

PS: It's my friend Davie Denz's birthday today. I know she reads my blog so I just want to greet her here, too. Happy birthday, Bangs! I miss you and I can't wait to see you again! ｡◕‿◕｡

What if you had a second chance with the one that got away?

I was in a cab on my home yesterday, reading through my Twitter feeds, when I got wind of the wonderful, wonderful news that Ethan Hawke, Julie Delpy, and Richard Linklater have again come together to make another installment to Before Sunrise and Before Sunset. Apparently it will be called Before Midnight and will most likely be released on 2013. And whereas the two first movies were set in Vienna and France respectively, the third will be set in Greece. Beautiful, beautiful Greece. My heart literally skipped a beat and if it could only do a somersault, it definitely would have done so. 

I was still in fourth grade when the first movie came out so I wasn't aware of its existence then yet. When the sequel came nine years later, I was already in college and yes, a total movie junkie. I read about how excited people were for this sequel so naturally I just had to see what the fuss was all about. Compelling, intelligent, and undeniably romantic, from then on Before Sunrise and Before Sunset became two of my favorite movies of all time, second only to Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. "My heart aches just thinking of how beautiful this movie is." - says a direct quote from a review I wrote about Before Sunrise when I was 22. 

Jesse: Alright, I have an admittedly insane idea, but if I don't ask you this it's just, uh, you know, it's gonna haunt me the rest of my life

Celine: What?

Jesse: Um... I want to keep talking to you, y'know. I have no idea what your situation is, but, uh, but I feel like we have some kind of, uh, connection. Right? Celine: Yeah, me too.

Jesse: Yeah, right, well, great. So listen, so here's the deal. This is what we should do. You should get off the train with me here in Vienna, and come check out the capital.

Celine: What?

Jesse: Come on. It'll be fun. Come on.

Celine: What would we do?

Jesse: Umm, I don't know. All I know is I have to catch an Austrian Airlines flight tomorrow morning at 9:30 and I don't really have enough money for a hotel, so I was just going to walk around, and it would be a lot more fun if you came with me. And if I turn out to be some kind of psycho, you know, you just get on the next train. Alright, alright. Think of it like this: jump ahead, ten, twenty years, okay, and you're married. Only your marriage doesn't have that same energy that it used to have, y'know. You start to blame your husband. You start to think about all those guys you've met in your life and what might have happened if you'd picked up with one of them, right? Well, I'm one of those guys. That's me y'know, so think of this as time travel, from then, to now, to find out what you're missing out on. See, what this really could be is a gigantic favor to both you and your future husband to find out that you're not missing out on anything. I'm just as big a loser as he is, totally unmotivated, totally boring, and, uh, you made the right choice, and you're really happy.

Celine: Let me get my bag. 

Jesse: In the months leading up to my wedding, I was thinking about you all the time. I mean, even on my way there; I'm in the car, a buddy of mine is driving me downtown and I'm staring out the window, and I think I see you, not far from the church, right? Folding up an umbrella and walking into a deli on the corner of 13th and Broadway. And I thought I was going crazy, but now I think it probably was you.
Celine: I lived on 11th and Broadway.
Jesse: You see? 

Watching Jesse and Celine meet by chance (on a train, no less) and meet again on another country nine years later after Jesse wrote a book (a book!) to try and find her again, seeing them talk about different things and witnessing how easy it is for them to communicate to each other made me think of destiny. Of chemistry. Of beautiful serendipity. I want that, you know?

"Isn't everything we do in life a way to be loved a little more?" I've been single for quite a while now so to tell the truth I'm scared that I might have forgotten already how it feels like to have a special person by my side. The search for that someone can be a little tiring, really. I know it is not something I should be stressed about as it will come when the time is right and all that jazz but it's just that... it gets lonely sometimes, you know? But who knows, maybe he'll come tomorrow. Or maybe I've already met him but we just don't know it yet. Or maybe I am just about to meet him. Or maybe, maybe we've already had a chance at love before and we blew it, and now he's (literally) miles and oceans away from me. Sigh.

Anyway. If you have seen these movies and think they're the bee's knees, high-five. If you tried to watch them but had to stop because you got bored - Why are they just talking? When will the real action start? Really?- then please watch any of Michael Bay's Transformers movies instead. But if you haven't seen any of these movies yet, then WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR? I mean, watching them might need a little suspension of disbelief, but if movies are done as tastefully and beautifully as these, then I am willing to believe anything. Make sure to choose the best time to watch them because they're like beautiful books meant to be enjoyed and read over and over again. Timeless and precious, yes. So, so precious.

I've always had a love-hate relationship with my hair. I love that it's thick, but I hate that it becomes so unmanageable and seems to have a life of its own whenever I forget to put any styling product on it.

All throughout high school until about four years after I graduated from college I resigned myself to accepting the fact that my hair will never be as beautiful as the long, silky-straight manes always featured in commercials and print ads. Blame the power of advertising (or my gullible, impressionable mind) but I honestly thought I cannot be beautiful without long, silky-straight hair. I knew I wasn't the only one. Remember how prevalent rebonding was before? I never had my hair rebonded though; I've always believed pin-straight hair doesn't really suit my personality. So yeah baby, I let it all hang out. Some days I tied it up in a ponytail.

Long-time readers of my blog will remember these photos.

Behold, Krissy circa 2010 I pretended the waves were big, loose curls LOL.

November of that year, I got bored and got a bob.

March 2011, I got birthday bangs.

I really wanted to get a pixie cut and thought long and hard for months. One day in June, after failing to find anything to buy at the mall, my friend Mich and I got hair makeovers  instead! Oh na na, what's my name?

It worked well for me because the style is meant to be unmanageable. Every morning after taking a shower, I just slap on some styling paste then head out. No need to fuss over combs or hairbrushes. Perfect. So perfect that I have tried different variations of the pixie cut since then. The best cut I've EVER had in my life, like ever, I had last Saturday at JURO Salon Exclusif.

Spanking clean salons make me giddy :)

Today my parents and I chug-chug-chugged in a Fiera along Commonwealth Avenue, squeezed in with four years of my independence's worth of 'souvenirs'. Yes, I left my apartment to go back to my parents' house.  It just isn't practical to keep it now that I am working in Makati, so I really have to get used to my new travel arrangements to and from work.

Oh hai, old office.

I found packing difficult not only because of the humongous pile of stuff I have accumulated through the years, but also because [if I am being completely honest] I would prefer renting another apartment near my new office if only I am financially capable to do so.

Don't get me wrong, I love my family. It's just that, as a 26 year old woman who has been living independently since 2008, I couldn't help but feel I might need some time to adjust to this set-up again even though I used to still come home every weekend before. Goodbye to going home anytime I wanted, goodbye to sneaking in impulse purchases without worrying about someone telling me off, goodbye to not needing to ask permission whenever I need/ want to go somewhere.

On second thought... Hello to my mother's back rubs when I go home exhausted. Hello to warm glasses of milk before bedtime. Hello to my parents being readily available when I get sick. Hello to sleeping with all my stuffed plushies in my bed, in my pink-and-cream room. Hello to warm home-cooked food. Hello to finally being able to organize my mini library.

Maybe it won't be so bad after all.

I think I want a pet.