Is it okay to trust a partner who has let you down?

16 April 2021

If you’re looking to take a relationship to the next, more serious stage, then you need to make sure that everyone is well and truly committed. You need to be able to trust your partner. However, if they’ve made mistakes in the past, how can you rebuild that trust? There’s no set answer that will solve the problem for everyone, but there are a few things that you can try.

Decide to forgive

Forgiveness can be harder to give than you might think. Not only can it be emotionally demanding to let go of hurt. It can also feel like you’re doing your partner a favor or kindness that you’re not sure they deserve. What’s more, it can feel like you’re letting go of some kind of leverage. However, these are unhealthy things to hold onto in a relationship. Taking the step to actively forgive, as shown here, is important. It doesn’t mean a totally clean slate or that you forget. But it does move things onto a stage where you can start rebuilding.

Require proof

If your partner has gone behind your back before, then the presumption of innocence isn’t always the best presumption to make. You don’t have to assume they act with guilt, but they should be open to being more accountable. If they’ve sent some dodgy texts in the past, then you might want to look at this page to make sure that they’re doing the same things again. You don’t want to get too used to or reliant on having to check your partner for proof they’re behaving as it can lead to paranoia in the long-term, but it’s important that they’re willing to be that open and accountable.

Demand change

Accepting that your partner can change and hold themselves more responsible is a good thing. However, it doesn’t mean you should play dumb to the risks that led to them letting you down in the first place. If your partner tripped up when they went out socializing with certain friends and those friends did nothing to stop them or notify you, it’s not unfair to think those friends are a bad influence. Understanding the triggers of infidelity can help you prevent it.

Accept responsibility

If anyone ever claims that a partner forced them to cheat, then they are lying and avoiding responsibility. However, that doesn’t mean that both partners aren’t, at least in some part, responsible for how their relationship goes. If you accept that your partner is a good person and isn’t an active cheat, then you have to look at what in the relationship contributed to them going down that path in the first place. This may mean having to look at your own behaviors or pressures, too.

Trust is, undeniably, one of those things that is difficult to put back together once it has been broken. But it’s not impossible. People do learn to trust those who have let them down before. Hopefully, the tips above might help you do the same. 

HOWEVER, you can always cut your losses and move on.

There was a time in my life when.I was positive I would never find love again. Being cheated on took a toll on my self esteem and I never thought I would be able to recover. I was okay with being single, although it did get lonely sometimes. Seven years later, a little after my 29th birthday, I met J and, whoa. Almost six years together and I still feel the luckiest. 

I really didn't think it would be possible to be loved this way. :)

The Krissy from 2010 feels like a different person now, like I don't know her anymore. I wish I could talk to her though and assure her it would be okay.

So, yes, trust is a delicate thing that is extremely hard to give again, so be careful who you entrust your heart to. I do hope it's worth it.

Take care of your hearts!

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