My worst heartbreak, magnified more than twenty thousand times.

What was it like to lose my Uncle Karl, who's one of my favorite persons in the world?

Like my worst heartbreak, magnified more than twenty thousand times.

We buried Kuya yesterday. I couldn't go to work last Monday but couldn't miss going to the office for the rest of the week, so after I got off work I went straight to Funeraria Central to assist during his wake. It was one blurry and hazy week of going to work, lack of sleep and appetite, and utter sadness for our whole family.

It was a week that we wanted to end soon but not really, for even though we wanted to stop feeling sad, we also didn't know how to say goodbye. Still, during that week that didn't seem to end, we found little pockets of peace and happiness.

We were touched by some who came from far away places like Tagaytay and Laguna just to say their final goodbyes.

Uncle Karl's eldest son Loui went home from Dubai
Shown in photo with our second cousins Gillian and Lorraine, who are twins

We were thrilled to see family members we haven't seen for some time. 

My brother Ken and my cousins Migui, Jerico, Gabriel, and Loui
Loui and Migui are my uncle's sons, while Jerico and Gabriel are my aunt Jean's

We were awed by the kindness of our friends, who came to support us during this difficult time even though they didn't get the chance to know my uncle personally. My heart is also filled with gratitude at the numerous emails and messages I received. Thank you.

“What separates us from the animals, what separates us from the chaos,

is our ability to mourn people we’ve never met.”

― David Levithan, Love Is the Higher Law

With Marsha

With Ralph, Chum, Sheila, Ahyen, and Mike

With RG and Third

Finally, we were amazed by the many people who flocked to the funeral parlor and the church, all telling stories about how great my uncle had been to them. Mr. Congeniality in death as in life, y'all.

His high school batchmates prepared a mini tribute for him on Thursday night, while the family did ours on Friday

The San Jose de Navotas Parish Church is a huge church (seriously, google it!) but he managed to fill it with people who want to pay their final respects and say farewell

"There is sacredness in tears. They are not the mark of weakness, but of power. They speak more eloquently than  ten thousand tongues. They are messengers of overwhelming grief and unspeakable love."

― Washington Irving

My worst heartbreak, magnified more than twenty thousand times.

... But we find comfort in knowing that he's in a much better place now. I was feeling sad when I was looking out at the gorgeous sunset the other day because he wasn't there and will never be there to see them again, but I'm sure he has a better vantage point from up there. We find comfort in knowing he had a lot of true friends who are sharing our grief with us. Our reunions and New Years will never be the same, but we find comfort in knowing our family will always be there for one another and will remain as close-knit as we  always have.

We find comfort in knowing he was loved.

We love you, Kuya.

“Sorrow comes in great waves... but rolls over us, and though it may almost smother us, it leaves us. And we know that if it is strong, we are stronger, inasmuch as it passes and we remain.”
― Henry James