Aside from being a shopping directory and enabler group, my Animal Crossing group chat with my friends from the blogging community has become an invaluable support group this pandemic. Late last week, Ashley mentioned Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder (PMDD) and it was a complete eye opener for me. 

According to WomensHealth, PMDD is a condition similar to PMS that also happens in the week or two before your period starts as hormone levels begin to fall after ovulation. PMDD causes more severe symptoms than PMS, including severe depression, irritability, and tension, and affects up to 5% of women of childbearing age. Symptoms of PMDD include:

• Lasting irritability or anger that may affect other people
• Feelings of sadness or despair, or even thoughts of suicide
• Feelings of tension or anxiety
• Panic attacks
• Mood swings or crying often
• Lack of interest in daily activities and relationships
• Trouble thinking or focusing
• Tiredness or low energy
• Food cravings or binge eating
• Trouble sleeping
• Feeling out of control
• Physical symptoms, such as cramps, bloating, breast tenderness, headaches, and joint or muscle pain 

This weekend coincided with the end of my ovulation period as tracked by Clue, the menstrual tracking app I use, and boom, all symptoms happened to me, as they do every month. I just didn't know about it before and chalked everything up to good ol' PMS.

• Lasting irritability or anger that may affect other people - Yes. And then, after it has subsided, I will feel guilty and ashamed and wonder why I let myself be that angry.
• Feelings of sadness or despair, or even thoughts of suicide - Yes. I have never had suicidal thoughts, but this weekend I kept wondering about the sweet relief of death.
• Feelings of tension or anxiety - Yes. Last night I went to bed at 9:30 PM but finally fell asleep at 4 AM, and all that time was spent tossing and turning, overthinking.
• Panic attacks - Yes. My heartbeat started skipping again, but I thought it was GERD again. 
• Mood swings or crying often - I spent the weekend crying. I woke up around noon today and ate lunch while crying. 
• Lack of interest in daily activities and relationships - Yes. I am a serial hobbyist by nature and I can't help but think this might have something to do with it. It has also put a strain on my relationship because of my insistent need to bring up past issues and feel unloved.
• Trouble thinking or focusing - Yes. I tried to read a book but I stopped when I realized I had been rereading the same paragraph for the last five minutes.
• Tiredness or low energy - Yes. I spent the whole day in bed today and didn't even glance at my phone until 3 PM.
• Food cravings or binge eating - Yes.
• Trouble sleeping - Yes. See Feelings of tension or anxiety.
• Feeling out of control - Yes.
• Physical symptoms, such as cramps, bloating, breast tenderness, headaches, and joint or muscle pain - Yes. I haven't been able to move my right arm properly since around 4 PM today.

I took pills when I was being treated for my myoma and I remember having terrible mood swings then but this is a completely different level. I have been called emotional and dramatic a lot of times and it hurts because it makes it seem like I am just playing it up. It's so easy for some people to tell me to relax as if it's the last thing I want to do. I did not ask for these internal turmoils. I did not ask for my brain to remind me constantly of all the things that are wrong with me. 

After checking the symptoms above and wondering if you may have it, I suggest booking an appointment with your doctor so you can get proper diagnosis and prescription, if necessary. PMDD is scary and confusing, but there is a solution. These articles also helped me:

• Should Severe Premenstrual Symptoms Be A Mental Disorder?
• PMDD Almost Ruined My Life Before I Found out What It Was
• PMS Vs PMDD: What You Need To Know For Your Monthly Mental Health

On March 2 of this year, our then company President and CCO Leigh Reyes sent an agency-wide email that we would be undergoing a preparedness simulation from March 11 to March 13 to make sure we could keep the business going even if we couldn’t come in to work for an extended period of time, following news reports of other agency offices having to enforce work-from-home because of COVID-19. The supposed simulation then extended into real life work-from-home scenario that we thought would be back to normal come April. April came, and then May, June, July, August... Days have blended into each other and turned to weeks, to months. October is almost here, and we are nowhere near the end.

When things were still normal, we had Work Anywhere Wednesdays where we were free to, well, work anywhere, so long as we finish our deliverables for the day and we didn't have scheduled face-to-face meetings to go to. I didn't like that set-up at that much because I always ended up taking a nap, having deluded myself into thinking that I needed an office set-up to motivate me to work. Now that we have been doing this for more than six months now, I realized that all I needed were discipline and deadlines I set myself.

I had to let go of the place I was renting in Makati and move back in with my family. I liked that I didn't have to torment myself in deciding what to eat for breakfast, lunch, or dinner, but at the same time I miss the way I used to spend my me-time eating alone at my spot at The Sandwich Guy in Century City Mall or Tien Ma's. I love that my support system a.k.a. my family is always readily available but hate that my other support system a.k.a. my boyfriend is living in the other side of Metro Manila, two expressways/ toll gates away from me. 

I miss my office desk and all the little accoutrements and knick knacks it has accumulated throughout the years, but there is no sense crying over spilled milk. It's a sh*tty situation we'd been thrusted into, and we got dealt some pretty sh*tty cards. Anyway, seeing that my back had been aching and my legs had been riddled with bed bug bites from my old chair, my boyfriend, the wonderful human that he is, got me a new chair. It is pink and pretty, and I love it very much.

Yes, I put lipstick on for these photos. I miss putting makeup on and dressing up, so I compensate with cute and colorful pajama sets or coordinates as well as my fluffy house slippers. 

My work-from-home desk is a bit neater than usual here, but it always contains the following: my laptop and bamboo laptop table, my Essentials notebook and colorful pens for jotting down and crossing off my to do lists, my hydro flask so I don't have to keep on getting up to get water, and my Nintendo Switch Lite so I can squeeze in some gameplay during breaks. 

If we are friends in real life and/ or in social media you would know that I've been caught hook, line, and sinker by Animal Crossing: New Horizons since I got it in June. J got me a yellow Switch Lite and a copy of the game for our fifth anniversary, and it's been an endless source of joy and delight since then.

How I wish I put up an Animal Crossing-dedicated blog when I was just starting out to mark all my game milestones, but as it stands I didn't really have the energy to do anything else aside from work and play Animal Crossing. The state of this country and the way we are [inefficiently] dealing with the pandemic is enough to drain me, and I couldn't muster enthusiasm for things I enjoyed doing in the past, like reading, writing, baking, watching movies and TV shows, endlessly scrolling on Instagram, and yes, even blogging. There were things I said yes to but had to back out of because I couldn't for the life of me Do Any Thing.

Things have been slowly turning around, and look, a new blog post here in months! I guess I just have to take things easy and remember that I do not have to carry the burden of worrying about things that are beyond my control.

Now we go to things I CAN control, like my island. 

Days blended into weeks into months, and before I realized it, it is September. Hi, folks, how are you? 

I spent the past few months paying off my home loan to Tom Nook and prettifying my island Soliantu. I am talking, of course, about Animal Crossing: New Horizons. My boyfriend gave me a yellow Switch Lite and a copy of the game on our fifth anniversary and it made coping with this pandemic much more bearable.

In more personal, serious news, we purchased a lot IRL. We are going to build a house on it in two years' time, and I am very excited!

Are you looking into properties too and wondering about the different jargons involved? Well I have an article here that might be helpful if you are just starting to research whether a reverse mortgage is right for you. Whether you’re close to going ahead with a final decision or not, some of the terminology involved in the process can be a little daunting. In this article, some key terms are explained more clearly. As you know, it is essential to understand everything in detail in order to know what you’re taking on.

What’s the difference with a reverse mortgage?

Reverse mortgages are specific loans that enable people 62 and older to take out a loan against the equity of their home during retirement. The big difference with this type of loan is that the borrower does not make a monthly payment; instead, they are simply responsible for paying taxes on their home, taking out property insurance, and managing repairs and maintenance. The essence of reverse mortgages is that they enable the borrower to continue to live in their home, but freeing up some precious cash for their retirement years.

Make your calculation

Reverse mortgage calculators provide borrowers with an outline of the setup fees, interest and loan terms they will be bound to if they go ahead with this type of mortgage. The calculator also establishes the applicant’s eligibility, and assesses the value of the property. From this, it is possible to see how much cash will be made available for your retirement.

What about Proprietary Reverse Mortgages

In simple terms, PRMs are private lenders that do not come with the assurance of the Home Equity Conversion Mortgages. With this assurance, borrowers are covered by FHA insurance to protect their mortgage. That said, both types of loan are fully regulated in terms of how much can be borrowed, as well as how much can be borrowed.

Other options

Another benefit of a reverse mortgage is how you receive the proceeds (i.e. the difference between your mortgage equity, and your house value). It’s possible to receive the payment as a one-off lump sum. Alternatively, you can access the funds at your convenience as a credit line from the bank as and when you need it. Lastly, perhaps the most popular option is receiving the funds by way of a regular monthly direct debit into your bank account, while the rest of the money stays available for drawing down as required.

D-Day

Default on reverse loans is a very different situation than the worst-case scenario if a standard mortgage is defaulted. In traditional mortgages, default often leads to the borrower being forced to leave their home. But defaulting on reverse mortgages is different, since the borrower does not make monthly payments. In this scenario, you have nothing to pay on a regular basis, and the balance of the reverse mortgage is only payable as a result of your death or if you decide to sell up your property. The only financial obligations the borrower has are to maintain and improve the property as they see fit, insure it, and pay the appropriate taxes on it. Everything else is taken care of, and the idea is that the remaining finance that is made available is then yours to spend, and enjoy, as you please in your twilight years.

I used to pride myself in completing 20-30 books per year, which is easy to track thanks to Goodreads Reading Challenge, but as years passed this number kept dwindling. For 2019, I finished a measly seven books. It's not for the lack of reading material as I still One-Click at least one book every or every other week, nor lack of time because working from home afforded me time that would have been spent on transportation. I have no other excuse aside from wasting time scrolling mindlessly and lack of energy to do little else.

I finished The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes by Suzanne Collins in three days. That's a feat these days, considering how I am only able to read on weekends and before bedtime.

It is the morning of the reaping that will kick off the 10th annual Hunger Games. In the Capitol, 18-year-old Coriolanus Snow is preparing for his one shot at glory as a mentor in the Games. The once-mighty house of Snow has fallen on hard times, its fate hanging on the slender chance that Coriolanus will be able to out charm, outwit, and outmaneuver his fellow students to mentor the winning tribute.

The odds are against him. He's been given the humiliating assignment of mentoring the female tribute from District 12, the lowest of the low. Their fates are now completely intertwined - every choice Coriolanus makes could lead to favor or failure, triumph or ruin. Inside the arena, it will be a fight to the death. Outside the arena, Coriolanus starts to feel for his doomed tribute... and must weigh his need to follow the rules against his desire to survive no matter what it takes.

A quick scan on my blog would show I am a huge Hunger Games fan. When the announcement came that Suzanne Collins is releasing a prequel and speculations went wild over whose story we are going to learn more about, I was disappointed to learn that of all the characters fans loved so much, the new book would be about the young life of the tyrant President Coriolanus Snow. In my head, he is a completely evil man and reading any attempt to humanize him or any kind of justification on why he became what he was would turn me off this trilogy completely. Nevertheless I knew I really wanted to read this if only for Suzanne's amazing world-building, and so I continuously refreshed Amazon, waiting for the Kindle version to be available for purchase (since we are not able to go out to go to bookstores anymore). We are familiar with Hunger Games, Catching Fire, and Mockingjay. We have no doubt that Snow rose to power and ruled with an iron fist for many years. It's just amazing to see how he got there.

In this book we are transported to the early days of the Hunger Games, the ultimate and most cruel display of the Capitol's power over all the districts of Panem. War has ended, and to remind Panem that the Capitol is in control, all districts must send a pair of tributes who will battle it out to the death in the arena until one remains. In the first book The Hunger Games, it was explained to us that victors from each district come back as mentors for tributes chosen at the annual reaping. Aside from Haymitch who was the only surviving victor that could help Katniss and Peeta, District 12 produced only one other victor that was not named. The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes is her story as much as it is Coryo's.

Apparently, the glitzy Hunger Games things like the fancy trains, sponsors, placing bets on tributes, glamorous designers and parades, and a technologically-advanced arena were not always the case. It was very interesting to see how they all came about, and the reasons why they were deemed necessary. Seriously, the level of detail in connecting this book to the original three is outstanding. My mind is blown.

Despite the grim nature of the book (kids forced into killing other kids for the whole country to see), this is actually the most lighthearted and funniest, if we would go by the dialogues and Snow's internal monologue. Make no mistake, though. We see parallels with our present times, like kids in cages, and I wonder if the horrific reality of the dystopian world of Panem is not very far after all. 

In the same vein of the Hunger Games quartet of movies giving us an expanded yet condensed version of the events that transpired in the books, I am very much looking forward to seeing the characters be brought to life in the big screen, and hopefully by then we can come back to the movie theatres again. Please bring Francis Lawrence back to direct.

I have a list of books I would like to read for the first time again, and the Hunger Games trilogy is one of them. The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes is a great and worthy addition to the lore. If you are a fan of the books, do make sure to read it. I didn't want to spoil any of the other nice surprises for you, but definitely get a copy if you loved the original trilogy and wanted to consume more from the dystopian world of Panem. Now if you haven't read any of the books yet, I would suggest that you also start with the Hunger Games trilogy before picking this up, because it would make seeing the Easter eggs more fun and special, like a nice gift from an old friend you haven't seen in a while.